


weird concept

by chaoticautumn



Category: South Park
Genre: First Kiss, Insecurity, M/M, Pre-Relationship, idk kyle's insecure leave me alone, ooc for kyle kind of, uh. bad at tagging whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 06:01:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20003476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticautumn/pseuds/chaoticautumn
Summary: “Shut the fuck up, Jew,” Cartman rolled his eyes again. “I don’t even know why I’m asking you. It’s not as if you have any ideas on what anyone would like.”Kyle could feel the heat of his anger igniting in the back of his mind. “What does that even mean?”“You’re too ugly for anyone to want to go out with you.”





	weird concept

**Author's Note:**

> fuck actual summaries and titles that make sense  
> i just wrote 2800 words of kyle being insecure and cartman trying to fix his mistake there's literally not a summary

“Isn’t that right, Kyle?”

Eric Cartman’s voice snapped Kyle out of his mindless daze and threw him back into the loud lunchroom, where Cartman and Stan were arguing over something Kyle didn’t care enough about to join in. He wasn’t sure where the topic they were bickering about had gone, but apparently, Cartman felt it was necessary to drag him into it.

The boy in mention snapped his fingers in front of Kyle’s face to get his attention again, gaining an irritated glare in return. “What do you want, fat boy?” Kyle grumbled.

Cartman rolled his eyes impatiently, but Stan beat him to the punch before Cartman could say anything. “Cartman thinks the girls would love to take him to homecoming,” Stan said. “Which is completely wrong, by the way-”

“Shut up, hippie,” Cartman growled, shooting Stan a look. “Quit trying to sway the vote.”

Kyle raised an eyebrow at his best friend and his rival. “Can’t you ask Kenny?”

Cartman groaned and turned his attention to Kenny, who didn’t seem to be paying any kind of attention to any of his friends, instead focusing on an old 2DS Stan had given him a few years ago. “Kenny-”

“It’s bullshit,” Kenny answered without glancing up from the double screen. Kyle snorted in amusement.

Cartman huffed indignantly and looked back to Kyle, who met his gaze evenly. “You got your input, Cartman,” Kyle said, flatly.

“Shut the fuck up, Jew,” Cartman rolled his eyes again. “I don’t even know why I’m asking you. It’s not as if you have any ideas on what anyone would like.”

Kyle could feel the heat of his anger igniting in the back of his mind. “What does that even mean?”

“You’re too ugly for anyone to want to go out with you.”

Kyle’s blood ran cold.

Cartman picked up on how Kyle’s body tensed and a sadistic grin grew across his face as he continued. “I mean, come on, Kyle,” he practically purred, twisting Kyle’s name into that annoying sound Kyle hated and started counting off on his fingers. “Just look at yourself. You’re way too tall and way too skinny for girls tastes, your face is just a mess of freckles and that beak you call a nose, your hairs basically a rat nest and even if it wasn’t, you wear that disgusting hat all the time. That’s just getting into physical appearance.”

Kyle’s anger grew with everything Cartman listed off, glaring daggers into Cartman’s amused golden eyes. But something clicked in Kyle’s mind just before the enragement exploded, and a wave of self-consciousness and insecurity flooded through the redhead, dousing the furious flames. Was… was Cartman right?

Tears stung Kyle’s eyes as he stood up from his seat, keeping his head down so no one could see him. “Fuck you,” he said quietly, trying to speak around the lump in his throat choking his voice. And Kyle stalked away.

He could feel the burn of his friend's eyes on his back as he walked off, especially Cartman’s. He tried to hold himself together as he walked through the halls of the school, tried to keep his composure, but tears had started to leak out of the corner of his eyes, even as he wiped furiously at his cheeks with his sleeve. Kyle walked faster, trying to find somewhere he’d be left alone, closed off from the world so no one could see him like this.

He found a dark classroom, empty of anyone, including the teacher. Kyle quietly shut the door behind him, listening to the lock click in the silence of the room. Only then did Kyle let himself fall apart.

Kyle slumped against the wall next to the door, slipping down to the floor as a sob ripped itself from his throat. Why the fuck did what Cartman say do this to him? Why did it hurt so much? He knew he looked for approval from the people around him, but he never looked for the brunettes approval for anything. Why did how he looked to Cartman matter to him? Especially enough for him to end up like this?

He shouldn’t have walked away… Neither he nor Cartman walked away from their fights without a bruise on one or both of them. Now Cartman knew he’d affected Kyle enough to bring him to tears, and would weaponize it to use it against him again and again. God, Kyle was a fucking idiot sometimes. 

He couldn’t be that bad looking, right? Yeah, Kyle thought he was too tall sometimes, and his mother hounded him to eat more. His mother also complimented his freckles a lot, saying they were kisses from angels - not that Kyle believed they were. He didn’t like his nose much, especially after he’d asked his parents a few years ago and his dad had pointed out that his nose was just like Sheila’s. Not that he found his mom’s nose to be ugly, it was just… kind of an eyesore. And Kyle didn’t like his unruly mess of ginger hair either. It was hard to maintain as it was - the only time Kyle could get a comb through it was when it was wet. He wore his faithful ushanka as a guard to keep people from poking fun at his hair, but his friends had seen it a few times, including Cartman.

Huh. Cartman was… right about this. Kyle was ugly.

Kyle hugged his knees to his chest and rested his head on his arms as though he were trying to become small enough no one would notice him again. Maybe he could just pop out of existence. That would be effective and painless.

Kyle was jolted out of his thoughts when the doorknob next to him rattled, startling him. His heart pounded against his rib cage- holy shit, Kyle hoped that wasn’t a teacher wondering why the door was locked. It’d be hard to explain why he was crying on the floor in an empty classroom with the lights turned off. Kyle watched the doorknob move again with wide eyes, listening to the lock move from its place. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-

A familiar brunette popped his head into the room, eyes scanning the desks. Kyle froze where he was, staring up in shock, but he couldn’t slow his panicked breathing. His breath caught in his throat when golden eyes snapped to him, but those eyes softened when they took in the sight of him curled on the floor, propping himself up with a hand, his other half raised as if to shield him.

Cartman slipped into the room and silently shut the door behind him, keeping his gaze on Kyle. Kyle watched through unfallen tears as Cartman sat down on the floor, his back against the door. He ripped his eyes away from Cartman after a few moments of silence, though, refusing to let Cartman fully see him at this horribly low point.

“What the fuck do you want,” Kyle snarled, cutting Cartman off when he opened his mouth. Not a question. A statement. His voice sounded weird to his own ears. 

Cartman seemed taken aback by the amount of venom laced into Kyle’s words when Kyle peered at him out of the corner of his eye. His mouth opened and closed, clearly unsure of what he should say, or could say that wouldn’t get him a broken nose.

Finally, Cartman seemed to get his voice to work again, just as Kyle was about to snap at him again before the silence grew tenser. “Kyle, I- I didn’t mean- any of that,” he said quietly. Kyle could tell that Cartman wasn’t looking at him. He didn’t reply, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket and glaring down at the white linoleum floor. 

“This probably doesn’t mean anything to you.” Cartman thunked his head against the door, sighing through his nose. “I know I give you a lot of shit for everything about you,” he murmured, gazing up at the ceiling. “But… you-” Cartman coughed and cleared his throat, glancing over at Kyle. “You really don’t look as bad as I make you sound to yourself.”

Yeah, there was no way Cartman was telling the truth. Stan or Kenny had to have put him up to this, maybe both of them. Probably bribed Cartman with KFC or something. Kyle rolled his eyes and pushed himself up to stand, drying his eyes again with his sleeve. He didn’t look in Cartman’s direction as he muttered, “Fuck you, Cartman.”

And he stormed out of the classroom, letting the door fall shut behind him.

Kyle stalked down the hallway, which was surprisingly but thankfully still empty. He didn’t know where he was going, he just knew he was getting away from there.

“Kyle, wait-! Fuck-” 

A loud crash sounded behind Kyle, and Kyle looked over his shoulder to see Cartman hastily picking up the desk that had been right outside the door to the classroom, clearly having run straight into it. Kyle rolled his eyes again and continued down the hallway, scrubbing his face dry with his sleeve yet again. He wasn’t even crying anymore or anything, his face just felt gross. He felt gross.

Kyle walked into the closest bathroom he could find, and, from a quick glance over the stalls, Kyle was alone again. He sighed, sagging against the door to the bathroom and dragging a hand down his face tiredly. Thank fucking Christ. 

Kyle stood up straight, tugging on the side of his ushanka. What the fuck was Cartman's’ deal? 

Kyle paced back and forth, staring down at the tiled floor, his mind kicking into gear. Did Cartman really think he could say shit about Kyle that obviously affected him badly enough that he ditched without a comeback, and then just take it back like that? Why would Cartman even try to take it back in the first place? Cartman never tried to backtrack on what he said unless he was going to get in trouble for it and needed to rephrase his words so he didn’t get in trouble. There was no way Cartman was doing this of his own will, either. Stan and Kenny must’ve done something and forced him to hunt Kyle down. If they hadn’t, which was all the more bizarre, it still didn’t make sense why Cartman had done it. Cartman didn’t care about Kyle’s feelings. There was no way.

As Kyle turned around yet again, the door to the bathroom swung open, and Kyle stopped dead in his tracks. 

“There you are, Jesus fuck,” Cartman huffed, leaning against the doorway with a hand. “Why didn’t you just come here first? I checked every empty god damn classroom on the way here, fuck you.”

Eyes wide, Kyle was struck frozen, frankly surprised Cartman had come after him again. This day was just… fucking wild.

Cartman kicked the door closed behind him, keeping his gaze on Kyle like the redhead was skittish and would bolt past him the first chance he got. “Okay, look,” he started, raising his hands as if he were trying to placate a cornered animal. “I’m not letting you go until you at least hear me out, got it?”

Kyle snapped out of his frozen state and narrowed his eyes at Cartman, who took a half step back. He kind of wanted to leave now, or pummel Cartman’s face into the dirty bathroom floor, but figured he might as well listen to what Cartman had to say. Kyle knew Cartman would fight him back if Kyle tried to leave and wasn’t exactly looking forward to brawling on the floor of the bathroom. Sighing, Kyle crossed his arms, gesturing with a hand for Cartman to go ahead, his eyebrow raised expectantly.

Cartman exhaled slowly and took another step closer, eyeing Kyle’s arms for a moment before looking elsewhere. He seemed like he was trying to will the courage to actually say what he wanted to say.

Kyle tapped his foot against the floor, growing impatient. Just as he was about to prompt Cartman to say something, Cartman finally managed to spit out the words.

“You’re hot.”

Kyle’s mind ground to a halt and his jaw dropped open. The shock to his system made his heart stop, and everything seemed to slow down.

Cartman looked just as surprised at the statement as Kyle felt, if not more. A wave of sheer terror crashed across his face in a blink, so fast Kyle wasn’t sure he hadn’t imagined it. “I… I- I mean,” Cartman quickly tried to amend. “You’re not- hot, to me, but you’re probably hot to some people, I guess? I don’t- I don’t see how but you’ve got to be attractive to some people, like uh- your freckles are cute, and your eyes are, like, really fucking expressive and pretty. Your hair looks, like, really soft and sometimes, I think, I- people want to run their hands through it when they see it? And your body isn’t- that bad, it’s strong and good looking. Really skinny to me, but you’ve definitely got muscle, or- or something-”

Kyle stood stock still throughout all of it, then finally shook his head and raised his hand to stop Cartman. Cartman cut himself off, snapping his jaw shut, watching Kyle with wide eyes. Kyle couldn’t name all the emotions mixed into Cartman’s expression. He looked kind of scared, a little desperate for something. Kyle didn’t know for what.

“Are you fucking serious, Cartman?”

Cartman winced and his gaze fell to the floor.

“You made me feel like shit about myself! You can’t just take everything back like that, dickbag!!” Kyle spat. Eyes furious, he stepped closer to Cartman, who shifted back a little bit. Then, finally, Kyle’s mind caught up to what Cartman had been saying. His anger died again, and the snarl his lips had twisted into dropped from his face.

“Cartman,” Kyle said slowly. “Are- Are you gay for me?”

“NO!” Cartman yelled, defenses up in a flash, his cheeks flushing a deep scarlet. “Why the fuck would you say that? What would even- give you the idea that I like you at all?! What the fuck, Kyle? Maybe you’re gay for me! Huh? Maybe this is your little distraction so you can blame me for being gay!!”

There was something so familiar about Cartman’s diversion tactics that Kyle relaxed a little bit as Cartman continued rambling. It made sense, actually. Cartman was always attached to Kyle, and vice versa. Not even girlfriends could get in the way between them. The lines between Cartman and Kyle were always kind of blurred, and it wasn’t such a huge leap for them to feel- like that towards each other.

And, Kyle hated to admit it, but Cartman’s opinion on him seemed to matter so much more to Kyle than Kyle wanted it to.

An idea crossed his mind and, before Kyle lost the courage, he stepped up to Cartman, grabbed Cartman’s hoodie, and crashed their lips together.

Cartman had frozen up the instant Kyle’s lips touched his, then his mind seemed to kick himself, and Kyle felt Cartman relax into a kiss that Kyle felt spread through his entire body. Cartman’s arm slipped around Kyle’s waist, a hand splayed at Kyle’s back, bringing Kyle closer. Cartman’s other hand reached up and grazed against Kyle’s cheek, and Kyle tried to not think about how he leaned slightly into Cartman’s touch.

Cartman stared at Kyle after Kyle pulled back, lips parted slightly, golden eyes wide, obviously shocked. Kyle gazed back evenly at Cartman, as if he didn’t just experience a mind-numbing kiss and as if he wasn’t bright pink. 

Kyle shifted uncomfortably in the silence, pulling back completely from Cartman, who was still in shock. “So, uh…” he coughed, glancing to the side then looking back at Cartman. “We never talk about this again?”

The words seemed to bring Cartman out of his stasis, and he reached for Kyle again. Kyle let Cartman pull him closer, kind of surprised.

“No, people are definitely gonna talk,” Cartman shook his head, grinning down warmly at Kyle. “Can’t believe it. The high and mighty Kyle Broflovski kissed the one and only Eric Cartman.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “As if you didn’t kiss me back, gaywad.” He glanced up to Cartman’s smile, and couldn’t help smiling back. “So, all that shit you said about me being hot or whatever… that was just you, wasn’t it?”

“That’s definitely a possibility,” Cartman snorted, then moved down to kiss Kyle again. “Maybe I am gay for a Jew. Weird concept, huh?”

Kyle smirked up at Cartman. “Maybe I’m gay for a fatass. What a weirder concept.”

“So, Kyle, how about homecoming? Think you could beat the swarms of girls rushing to take me?”

“I’m taking Stan’s side on that one.”


End file.
